Winter Undone

It's spring. It's so obviously spring because I can feel myself warming back up, maybe even melting a little. Syracuse can some some really strange psychological effects. I'm not even talking about the sociological misgivings I get from this place (literally living in privilege up on the hill surrounded by highways, factories, and poverty) but rather the intense seasonal depression. It snowed last week...hopefully for the last time. But today was sunny, and I wore only a sweatshirt to class. My boots are tucked out of sight and an array of sandals are by the foot of my bed, ready.

It's spring and I'm happy. I'm going to Italy in about 6 weeks. 6 weeks! And the best part is, I'm not even thinking of it as an escape anymore. Syracuse really isn't that bad once it warms up. I think I'm just finally starting to see the potential in the new, as opposed to the comfort of the familiar. They're such different feelings, and I think I used to disproportionately value the familiar, it's all I knew. It really does make sense, living in the same town my whole life, in the same house, in the same room, with the same family, and the same cat, that I would end up clinging to anything that felt comfortable. Anything that seemed to fit.

I feel really different now though. There's something really exhilarating about not knowing where I will end up after college. I was just in Putney, Vermont this weekend, and I'd really like to live in that area at some point in my life. All i could think about was getting an apartment in Brattleborro, maybe over a store where I could sit on a fire escape and people-watch. But I might not end up in Vermont, and that's okay too.

It's really challenging trying to get used to feelings, places, and situations I've never known before, but it's so satisfying when you finally find a new place that feels even a little bit like home. Or when you catch a glimpse of comfort in a place you really wouldn't expect it. Italy will be a challenge. I speak zero Italian, and I'm going to live with a family in the heart of Florence for six weeks. It will be wonderful, I can't wait to go for walks in the Tuscan summer twilight and explore my new, albeit temporary, home. I want to find as many homes in the world as I can, as much family as I can accumulate too.

I will turn 19 in a week. I'm still only 18, 18 year olds are often still in high school. Here I am more than halfway through college, and I still haven't even lived two decades. I have all the time in the world. This is the exact feeling that I had hoped for four years ago when I decided to graduate high school a year early. I wanted a head start, so instead of an extra year of stuck-at-home-adolescent-angst I'd have to grow up a tad faster a tad sooner, but just enough to appreciate being young when I have no ties, no commitments, and the world as my playground.

It's spring is my point. It's a wonderfully homework heavy sunshine tempting upcoming birthday kind of week and I feel really content.